2020, Full of Choices

It has been a long time since I have blogged.  This is not because I do not love writing but it is more because of my lack of effort to take the time to blog.  I may write more and it may be another several years before I get to it again. The reason why is because like all of you, my plate is full!  I am a wife, mother of three high maintenance but good boys, part-time foster mom to two more boys... where are all the girls! I work full time as a school administrator, which I love, all by trying to be a working mom whose kids feel the same benefits of a stay at home mom. Sound crazy?  That is because it is! One cannot do everything but yet we all try.

I am fortunate that the school corporation that I get to serve is very family orientated.  As a group, we support and help one another on a daily basis.  We vent, love, care, and call each other out when needed.  It is a family.  One of the of the goals we do at the start of each calendar year is identify a word that will be our focus for the year.  Jules Alvarado is a trauma informed care specialist, counselor, peace-maker... genius and quoted, "I chose every thought I have."  This is obviously way easier said than done and may not be as profound to you as it was to me.  However since the new year, I have repeated this phrase several times.  Each time I have a negative thought, feel frustrated with circumstances, my kid's anxiety flares up, my teenager begins to annoy me, I feel I cannot do it all... I repeat this phrase.  Unfortunately it has been more times than I care to admit.  However it has made a great impact on the thoughts that I have.  It is a struggle being a working mom while trying to be an example for not only my kids but all kids and parents too. With this said my 2020 word is, "CHOICE."  I get to choose my thoughts! I can choose my reactions and I get to choose how I respond to unfavorable circumstances.  Is this easy... uhhh No!  However it is doable and a goal I want to achieve. 

If you know me, some of you may be reading this and think, she has it together and is just rambling.  Well if you think this, you are correct about the rambling.  A little secret... I am a hot mess who puts on a good front!  However if we are all honest with each other, aren't we all a work in progress? Life is hard!  For 2020, let's make a commitment to help each other, support one another and just be understanding of each other.  Everyone is going through something.  Here's to the year 2020!  I hope is serves you well and you give it all of your gifts!

Boys! A Shock After Sisters!

As a mother of boys who grew up in a household of sisters, raising boys never ceases to amaze and teach me.  For instance, the phrases that actually come out of my mouth to the amounts of groceries that we buy, raising boys always leaves me with a feeling of bewilderment. 

In a household of sisters, grocery shopping is much different than in a household of boys.  With girls, we had contests challenging who could eat the least.  Sure we would tempt each other with donuts and when one of us would cave, the other two would explain, “A minute on your lips, forever on your hips,” in an antagonizing tone, but it was always in good fun.  We would only eat a ton of food if the other two promised to as well.  Boys on the other hand, constantly make a contest competing over who can eat more! 

It does not matter what it is, meat, fruits, vegetables, sweets, it doesn’t make any difference!  They eat and eat!  Every time I go to the grocery store, someone comments on the amount of groceries in my cart!  The boys insist on bringing their lunch every day, whereas typical children will eat at school, giving their mothers one less meal to fix but no, not these boys.  And you can bet there is always a box of fruit snacks in the cart, because I have learned that they are magic morsels that help us get Jacob through an entire church service.  He nearly salivates begging for a hit the minute he sees a package of gummies.  The funny part about our grocery cart, although it is always overflowing, it never has meat, eggs, jam or corn because we always keep a year supply of that in our freezer from the farm, which make my cart even more ridiculous!

The phrases that flow out of my mouth also always astound me.  For example I had to explain, “No, you may not keep a container of worms and mud in the house.”  To me this is a no brainer but not to boys who love to fish.  This weekend I stated, “Please do not walk on the porch with dead squirrels in your hand.”  Really?  This is something that has to be said aloud when you have boys?   

Even though they are messy and I may one day have to get a second job to pay the grocery bill, I would not want my life any other way.  They are smart too!  The other day when I asked Carson and Gavin to do something for me and they gave me lip, Robert said, “What have I told you?” They quickly responded, “We know, if mommy isn’t happy, no one is!”

Dirty, Smelly and Sweet

                As I was raised in a houseful of girls, now being the only female living in my household has been a true eye-opening experience.  There are many ways of thinking, acting and reacting that are unique to boys that never occurred to me.  Not to mention the extra dirt, smells and my favorite, the irreplaceable sweetness.

                Most who know me would agree that I have a bit of a type A personality to put it mildly.  I like things neat, organized and believe everything has its place.  However when you live with a household of boys, including my husband, cleaning the floor is an invitation for someone to come trampling across the floor in muddy, cow poop coated boots.  Making beds means that it is time to build a tent or a fort with every blanket and pillow in the house and cleaning the kitchen means everyone is hungry-again!

                Random holes are commonly found in the yard either from digging for treasure, creating a golf course or burying secret stashes. Of course how do I find these holes, by stepping in them and nearly breaking a body part. Shovels and tools are commonly found by the lawn mower and somehow sand from the outside sandbox is always in their beds and worse in mine!   

                Another lesson I have learned, is every open space is a wrestling ring and any object can easily be transformed into a weapon.  When I was a new, naive mother, I had this idea that I did not want my boys to have toy guns because they would be around real ones as their dad is a hunter and I wanted them to respect guns.  This is a great idea in theory, however a mop easily becomes a sword and any other relatively straight and pointy object such as a stick or spoon becomes a gun.

                However I have also learned that boys are the sweetest to their moms.  I get lots of random hugs, kisses and I love yous.  They are protective of me, open doors, help me carry items and can be little gentlemen.  When we go places without Robert, Carson always tells Robert, “We will look out for mommy.”  So although  they come with lots of dirt and smells, the sweetness makes them worth it! 

Laugh to keep from crying

Some days which can turn into weeks and even seem longer, you have to laugh to keep from crying.  This is an exact description of this week and it is only Wednesday! 

Gavin, our middle child is always our darling that contracts the most obscure illnesses. When he was a baby, he actually had whooping cough, a bit later a rare strand of ecoli poisoning, nephrotic syndrome which is a kidney issue causing your body to swell up like a balloon and this week, mulluscum, a strange skin irritation. 

Naturally like everyone else, the last thing I feel I ever have time for is a sick kid and worse yet, a sick kid that needs to see a doctor. We are however lucky in that we love our doctor but that does not mean I care to make the trip any more than necessary. The treatment for his current issue left him with a chemical burn, out of school for two days and a couple of sleepless nights due to itch and pain-not fun!

Not sure about the rest of the world, but sleepless nights for me equals a severe decline in brain function. To add to the week's fun, I got to take Jacob for vaccinations leaving him to be Fussy McFusserson the rest of the week or at least to this point. However as any mom can tell you, when a baby is crying, time seems to stand still; minutes seem like hours!

Luckily I was able to have lots of laughs this week to keep from crying. In the classroom today, while students were practicing their states and capitals, I actually heard a kid give a hint to another student about the capital of Massachusetts.  The hint he gave was, “there is a lager named after this capital.” I thought to myself, "Did I just hear that correctly and from a 5th grader?" The other student responds, "Boston!" I smiled to myself and looked the other way knowing that they will both get that one right on the test.

Then this afternoon while trying to make it back home, although my vehicle was reading it had half a tank of gas, it stalled and shut off in the parking lot where I just picked up our pizza for supper.  This was just fantastic because all three kids were with me, the older two were hungry and arguing and the baby was crying. Luckily my husband and I are able to problem solve in stressful situations and while on the phone he reminded me that the gas tank sensor had gone bad once before. I call my mom to the rescue, make my way over to the nearest gas station with a gas can in my hand, my pant suit and heels on and proceed to dump some gas in and off we went-again laughing-knowing I looked absolutely ridiculous to onlookers. 

When we finally reached home Gavin piped up, "Mom today was a fun day, I got to go back to school, we had our art lesson and we got to eat our pizza in the car!" Laughing I responded, "Thanks for putting things in perspective Gav." "Mom, what's per-spec-ive?" 

Learning from my lil sis

My sisters typically give me way too much credit for offering them advice or setting mothering examples.  They obviously do not pay too close of attention because sometimes I am the replica of what not to do.  However while my sister was visiting me for my birthday, she made one of the most brilliant arguments I have ever heard her make and she has made a lot-girl is witty!

We live around 2-hours from each other and while driving here, her daughter started to get a little fussy like all kids do on long car rides.  My sister of course pulled over to make sure all of her needs were met but then she explained reality hit her.  She could feel guilty and stress out the rest of the trip or she could realize that her daughter is going to be fine.  She thought to herself, there are children in third world countries starving and my kid is sitting in a cushy car seat, in an air conditioned car, with a snack, milk and watching Doc Mcstuffins-I think she is going to be okay! After all surely the remaining 45-minutes of this agony will not result in future therapy and medication.

              

Her words really stuck with me because I have been a victim of this form of mother’s guilt (refer to previous blog entry) getting the best of me and devoting all of my energy into trying to make my child happy while doing everything from singing, making ridiculous noises, passing back toys and giving them anything remotely edible to please, sooth or make them happy!  Sometimes it needs to come to a point where you can consider, they are not hungry, they do not need to go to the restroom, all of their needs are met-it’s time for them to sooth themselves. 

                

Children are way more resilient than we give them credit.  Although we never want our children to endure pain or any form of suffering, the point is that sometimes those feelings are a part of life and when your child is in his/her cozy seat, in an air conditioned car, with a snack, sippy cup, his/her favorite toy and is still not happy-let it go! 

Mother of the Year Moments 

It is appropriate to begin this post with a disclaimer. If you do not have children and often think to yourself when you see children in public as I once did, “I will never let my child get away with that,” then this post is not for you. In fact you may even find this post incredibly offensive and wonder why I was ever blessed with children in the first place.

Whether a working mom or a stay at home mom, I believe all moms often experience what I call, Mother's Guilt. Granted it is not technically a diagnosed, mental disease, but once you bring life into the world, you are automatically contaminated with this illness.

Basically how I am most affected by this disease is when I am working, I feel guilty for not spending time with my children, when spending time with my children, I feel like I should be working...not to mention where my head goes when I am cooking or cleaning or worse when I am not cooking or cleaning.

One of the symptoms of Mother's Guilt involves the mind trying to focus on too many details or tasks simultaneously, resulting in awesome, mother of the year moments!

For example, recently I sent Carson down to the basement to retrieve something from the freezer. I thought it would be hilarious to sneak down the stairs and jump out; turns out, not a great plan. As I jump out, and yell, I don't even remember what, but I am sure it was something real clever like, “boo,” I completely terrified him and he proceeded to start crying. Not only does this moment make me feel real stellar, I secretly still chuckle about it when this event pops back into my head.  

I remember when Gavin was younger and one of the times I had trouble getting him to sleep, I let him take a nap in my bed and naturally I thought to myself, “I could use a nap.” I was abruptly awakened by the sound of my child rolling off of the bed, onto the floor, against the dresser. Isn't that fabulous parenting?

While typing this post, my boys and I were hanging out by our lake and Jacob was stretched out on a blanket kicking, cooing and playing. When I look down to talk to him, I was just in time to see him grab a handful of sand and shove it in his mouth-fantastic! I am sure beach sand has antibodies in it.

Through the years I have learned and continue to learn to take each day as it comes, get done what I can and hope to not have too many of those spectacular mother of the year moments! However I can always plead insanity due to Mother's Guilt.

Difficult Decisions...

Trying to get out of the house in the morning with three boys in tote is like some sort of cruel joke!  I always do my best the night before to make the morning efficient but that rarely makes the morning run any smoother.  However the problem is mostly my fault.  Carson and Gavin bring their lunch every day and that of course requires me to pack their lunch on a daily basis, hence the creation of more work.  Carson has only eaten lunch at school twice, once when it was chili and once on breakfast day.  He was not a fan of the chili and the eggs confused him.  He did not understand why they were a perfect circle and completely yellow.  He is spoiled by chicken house eggs.  Gavin has not even been inclined to give school lunch a try and ironically our school lunch always has great options! They are just picky and rotten, but they really are cute! 

Then there is little man.  He is in quit a routine which is great, however he is very fond of his morning nap that occurs right at 6:45 a.m. and although our goal is to be out of the house by 6:40, that rarely happens…and the fussing begins promptly at 6:45.  Jacob loves to begin his morning nap on the drive to school.  Then he typically stays asleep through the drive and even for a bit after we get to school before taking him to his babysitters Ms. Kim and Ms. Mary.  Naturally in the hectic process we call morning, the goal is to get the kids fed, dressed, myself ready and everything in the car before 6:45.  Typically what happens is the kids get fed, I attempt to eat something and in the process of getting Jacob ready, Carson and Gavin get hungry again and eat my breakfast and then we finally all make it in the car. 

Inadvertently I always forget something that I had intended to take for the day…so begins the daily evaluation process because the longer I take to leave the house, the longer I have to hear Jacob cry and Carson and Gavin argue about something stupid while knowing that as soon as the car starts and begins down the driveway, peace will begin.  So evaluation is needed, how important is it to go back into the house for what is probably the 4^th or 5^th trip to retrieve the forgotten item?  It truly depends upon the item…coffee, rush back in to retrieve, the breakfast that is have eaten, forget it I will starve until lunch, my phone, quickly make the dash in and swipe it up, jacket, not worth it, I will just freeze all day! Such important choices a mom has to make….