2020, Full of Choices

It has been a long time since I have blogged.  This is not because I do not love writing but it is more because of my lack of effort to take the time to blog.  I may write more and it may be another several years before I get to it again. The reason why is because like all of you, my plate is full!  I am a wife, mother of three high maintenance but good boys, part-time foster mom to two more boys... where are all the girls! I work full time as a school administrator, which I love, all by trying to be a working mom whose kids feel the same benefits of a stay at home mom. Sound crazy?  That is because it is! One cannot do everything but yet we all try.

I am fortunate that the school corporation that I get to serve is very family orientated.  As a group, we support and help one another on a daily basis.  We vent, love, care, and call each other out when needed.  It is a family.  One of the of the goals we do at the start of each calendar year is identify a word that will be our focus for the year.  Jules Alvarado is a trauma informed care specialist, counselor, peace-maker... genius and quoted, "I chose every thought I have."  This is obviously way easier said than done and may not be as profound to you as it was to me.  However since the new year, I have repeated this phrase several times.  Each time I have a negative thought, feel frustrated with circumstances, my kid's anxiety flares up, my teenager begins to annoy me, I feel I cannot do it all... I repeat this phrase.  Unfortunately it has been more times than I care to admit.  However it has made a great impact on the thoughts that I have.  It is a struggle being a working mom while trying to be an example for not only my kids but all kids and parents too. With this said my 2020 word is, "CHOICE."  I get to choose my thoughts! I can choose my reactions and I get to choose how I respond to unfavorable circumstances.  Is this easy... uhhh No!  However it is doable and a goal I want to achieve. 

If you know me, some of you may be reading this and think, she has it together and is just rambling.  Well if you think this, you are correct about the rambling.  A little secret... I am a hot mess who puts on a good front!  However if we are all honest with each other, aren't we all a work in progress? Life is hard!  For 2020, let's make a commitment to help each other, support one another and just be understanding of each other.  Everyone is going through something.  Here's to the year 2020!  I hope is serves you well and you give it all of your gifts!

Boys! A Shock After Sisters!

As a mother of boys who grew up in a household of sisters, raising boys never ceases to amaze and teach me.  For instance, the phrases that actually come out of my mouth to the amounts of groceries that we buy, raising boys always leaves me with a feeling of bewilderment. 

In a household of sisters, grocery shopping is much different than in a household of boys.  With girls, we had contests challenging who could eat the least.  Sure we would tempt each other with donuts and when one of us would cave, the other two would explain, “A minute on your lips, forever on your hips,” in an antagonizing tone, but it was always in good fun.  We would only eat a ton of food if the other two promised to as well.  Boys on the other hand, constantly make a contest competing over who can eat more! 

It does not matter what it is, meat, fruits, vegetables, sweets, it doesn’t make any difference!  They eat and eat!  Every time I go to the grocery store, someone comments on the amount of groceries in my cart!  The boys insist on bringing their lunch every day, whereas typical children will eat at school, giving their mothers one less meal to fix but no, not these boys.  And you can bet there is always a box of fruit snacks in the cart, because I have learned that they are magic morsels that help us get Jacob through an entire church service.  He nearly salivates begging for a hit the minute he sees a package of gummies.  The funny part about our grocery cart, although it is always overflowing, it never has meat, eggs, jam or corn because we always keep a year supply of that in our freezer from the farm, which make my cart even more ridiculous!

The phrases that flow out of my mouth also always astound me.  For example I had to explain, “No, you may not keep a container of worms and mud in the house.”  To me this is a no brainer but not to boys who love to fish.  This weekend I stated, “Please do not walk on the porch with dead squirrels in your hand.”  Really?  This is something that has to be said aloud when you have boys?   

Even though they are messy and I may one day have to get a second job to pay the grocery bill, I would not want my life any other way.  They are smart too!  The other day when I asked Carson and Gavin to do something for me and they gave me lip, Robert said, “What have I told you?” They quickly responded, “We know, if mommy isn’t happy, no one is!”

Dirty, Smelly and Sweet

                As I was raised in a houseful of girls, now being the only female living in my household has been a true eye-opening experience.  There are many ways of thinking, acting and reacting that are unique to boys that never occurred to me.  Not to mention the extra dirt, smells and my favorite, the irreplaceable sweetness.

                Most who know me would agree that I have a bit of a type A personality to put it mildly.  I like things neat, organized and believe everything has its place.  However when you live with a household of boys, including my husband, cleaning the floor is an invitation for someone to come trampling across the floor in muddy, cow poop coated boots.  Making beds means that it is time to build a tent or a fort with every blanket and pillow in the house and cleaning the kitchen means everyone is hungry-again!

                Random holes are commonly found in the yard either from digging for treasure, creating a golf course or burying secret stashes. Of course how do I find these holes, by stepping in them and nearly breaking a body part. Shovels and tools are commonly found by the lawn mower and somehow sand from the outside sandbox is always in their beds and worse in mine!   

                Another lesson I have learned, is every open space is a wrestling ring and any object can easily be transformed into a weapon.  When I was a new, naive mother, I had this idea that I did not want my boys to have toy guns because they would be around real ones as their dad is a hunter and I wanted them to respect guns.  This is a great idea in theory, however a mop easily becomes a sword and any other relatively straight and pointy object such as a stick or spoon becomes a gun.

                However I have also learned that boys are the sweetest to their moms.  I get lots of random hugs, kisses and I love yous.  They are protective of me, open doors, help me carry items and can be little gentlemen.  When we go places without Robert, Carson always tells Robert, “We will look out for mommy.”  So although  they come with lots of dirt and smells, the sweetness makes them worth it! 

Laugh to keep from crying

Some days which can turn into weeks and even seem longer, you have to laugh to keep from crying.  This is an exact description of this week and it is only Wednesday! 

Gavin, our middle child is always our darling that contracts the most obscure illnesses. When he was a baby, he actually had whooping cough, a bit later a rare strand of ecoli poisoning, nephrotic syndrome which is a kidney issue causing your body to swell up like a balloon and this week, mulluscum, a strange skin irritation. 

Naturally like everyone else, the last thing I feel I ever have time for is a sick kid and worse yet, a sick kid that needs to see a doctor. We are however lucky in that we love our doctor but that does not mean I care to make the trip any more than necessary. The treatment for his current issue left him with a chemical burn, out of school for two days and a couple of sleepless nights due to itch and pain-not fun!

Not sure about the rest of the world, but sleepless nights for me equals a severe decline in brain function. To add to the week's fun, I got to take Jacob for vaccinations leaving him to be Fussy McFusserson the rest of the week or at least to this point. However as any mom can tell you, when a baby is crying, time seems to stand still; minutes seem like hours!

Luckily I was able to have lots of laughs this week to keep from crying. In the classroom today, while students were practicing their states and capitals, I actually heard a kid give a hint to another student about the capital of Massachusetts.  The hint he gave was, “there is a lager named after this capital.” I thought to myself, "Did I just hear that correctly and from a 5th grader?" The other student responds, "Boston!" I smiled to myself and looked the other way knowing that they will both get that one right on the test.

Then this afternoon while trying to make it back home, although my vehicle was reading it had half a tank of gas, it stalled and shut off in the parking lot where I just picked up our pizza for supper.  This was just fantastic because all three kids were with me, the older two were hungry and arguing and the baby was crying. Luckily my husband and I are able to problem solve in stressful situations and while on the phone he reminded me that the gas tank sensor had gone bad once before. I call my mom to the rescue, make my way over to the nearest gas station with a gas can in my hand, my pant suit and heels on and proceed to dump some gas in and off we went-again laughing-knowing I looked absolutely ridiculous to onlookers. 

When we finally reached home Gavin piped up, "Mom today was a fun day, I got to go back to school, we had our art lesson and we got to eat our pizza in the car!" Laughing I responded, "Thanks for putting things in perspective Gav." "Mom, what's per-spec-ive?" 

Learning from my lil sis

My sisters typically give me way too much credit for offering them advice or setting mothering examples.  They obviously do not pay too close of attention because sometimes I am the replica of what not to do.  However while my sister was visiting me for my birthday, she made one of the most brilliant arguments I have ever heard her make and she has made a lot-girl is witty!

We live around 2-hours from each other and while driving here, her daughter started to get a little fussy like all kids do on long car rides.  My sister of course pulled over to make sure all of her needs were met but then she explained reality hit her.  She could feel guilty and stress out the rest of the trip or she could realize that her daughter is going to be fine.  She thought to herself, there are children in third world countries starving and my kid is sitting in a cushy car seat, in an air conditioned car, with a snack, milk and watching Doc Mcstuffins-I think she is going to be okay! After all surely the remaining 45-minutes of this agony will not result in future therapy and medication.

              

Her words really stuck with me because I have been a victim of this form of mother’s guilt (refer to previous blog entry) getting the best of me and devoting all of my energy into trying to make my child happy while doing everything from singing, making ridiculous noises, passing back toys and giving them anything remotely edible to please, sooth or make them happy!  Sometimes it needs to come to a point where you can consider, they are not hungry, they do not need to go to the restroom, all of their needs are met-it’s time for them to sooth themselves. 

                

Children are way more resilient than we give them credit.  Although we never want our children to endure pain or any form of suffering, the point is that sometimes those feelings are a part of life and when your child is in his/her cozy seat, in an air conditioned car, with a snack, sippy cup, his/her favorite toy and is still not happy-let it go! 

Mother of the Year Moments 

It is appropriate to begin this post with a disclaimer. If you do not have children and often think to yourself when you see children in public as I once did, “I will never let my child get away with that,” then this post is not for you. In fact you may even find this post incredibly offensive and wonder why I was ever blessed with children in the first place.

Whether a working mom or a stay at home mom, I believe all moms often experience what I call, Mother's Guilt. Granted it is not technically a diagnosed, mental disease, but once you bring life into the world, you are automatically contaminated with this illness.

Basically how I am most affected by this disease is when I am working, I feel guilty for not spending time with my children, when spending time with my children, I feel like I should be working...not to mention where my head goes when I am cooking or cleaning or worse when I am not cooking or cleaning.

One of the symptoms of Mother's Guilt involves the mind trying to focus on too many details or tasks simultaneously, resulting in awesome, mother of the year moments!

For example, recently I sent Carson down to the basement to retrieve something from the freezer. I thought it would be hilarious to sneak down the stairs and jump out; turns out, not a great plan. As I jump out, and yell, I don't even remember what, but I am sure it was something real clever like, “boo,” I completely terrified him and he proceeded to start crying. Not only does this moment make me feel real stellar, I secretly still chuckle about it when this event pops back into my head.  

I remember when Gavin was younger and one of the times I had trouble getting him to sleep, I let him take a nap in my bed and naturally I thought to myself, “I could use a nap.” I was abruptly awakened by the sound of my child rolling off of the bed, onto the floor, against the dresser. Isn't that fabulous parenting?

While typing this post, my boys and I were hanging out by our lake and Jacob was stretched out on a blanket kicking, cooing and playing. When I look down to talk to him, I was just in time to see him grab a handful of sand and shove it in his mouth-fantastic! I am sure beach sand has antibodies in it.

Through the years I have learned and continue to learn to take each day as it comes, get done what I can and hope to not have too many of those spectacular mother of the year moments! However I can always plead insanity due to Mother's Guilt.

Difficult Decisions...

Trying to get out of the house in the morning with three boys in tote is like some sort of cruel joke!  I always do my best the night before to make the morning efficient but that rarely makes the morning run any smoother.  However the problem is mostly my fault.  Carson and Gavin bring their lunch every day and that of course requires me to pack their lunch on a daily basis, hence the creation of more work.  Carson has only eaten lunch at school twice, once when it was chili and once on breakfast day.  He was not a fan of the chili and the eggs confused him.  He did not understand why they were a perfect circle and completely yellow.  He is spoiled by chicken house eggs.  Gavin has not even been inclined to give school lunch a try and ironically our school lunch always has great options! They are just picky and rotten, but they really are cute! 

Then there is little man.  He is in quit a routine which is great, however he is very fond of his morning nap that occurs right at 6:45 a.m. and although our goal is to be out of the house by 6:40, that rarely happens…and the fussing begins promptly at 6:45.  Jacob loves to begin his morning nap on the drive to school.  Then he typically stays asleep through the drive and even for a bit after we get to school before taking him to his babysitters Ms. Kim and Ms. Mary.  Naturally in the hectic process we call morning, the goal is to get the kids fed, dressed, myself ready and everything in the car before 6:45.  Typically what happens is the kids get fed, I attempt to eat something and in the process of getting Jacob ready, Carson and Gavin get hungry again and eat my breakfast and then we finally all make it in the car. 

Inadvertently I always forget something that I had intended to take for the day…so begins the daily evaluation process because the longer I take to leave the house, the longer I have to hear Jacob cry and Carson and Gavin argue about something stupid while knowing that as soon as the car starts and begins down the driveway, peace will begin.  So evaluation is needed, how important is it to go back into the house for what is probably the 4^th or 5^th trip to retrieve the forgotten item?  It truly depends upon the item…coffee, rush back in to retrieve, the breakfast that is have eaten, forget it I will starve until lunch, my phone, quickly make the dash in and swipe it up, jacket, not worth it, I will just freeze all day! Such important choices a mom has to make….

Desperate Attempts

As I was so desperately trying to get my baby boy asleep tonight, I was reminded of all of the ridiculous and frantic attempts I have made over the years to get my kids to sleep.  Tonight for instance, after laying Jacob in his crib following his long winded cry spell, I knew that if he saw me walk out of his room, it would be over!  Therefore after laying him down, I dropped to my hands and knees and crawled out of his room.  It was like I was some sort of spy or criminal in my own house!  However instead of being completely mortified by the fact that I had just crawled my way out to the hallway, I do a happy dance because the screaming had finally stopped.

Carson, the oldest and therefore experiment child would always fall asleep in the car. One evening after trying everything that I could think of to get this child to sleep, I remembered that he always fell asleep in the car.  However at this point in motherhood, I had not yet developed my ability to go on limited sleep and thought better of going for a drive.  Instead, I was hit with a brilliant idea!  I placed Carson in his car seat, put the car seat on top of the dryer in the laundry room, turned on the dryer and shut off the light….pure brilliance!  He was out like light and this trick worked many times. 

Probably my all-time most desperate attempt occurred with Gavin.  He would of course not have a problem sleeping if I held and cuddled him.  However as soon as I went to lay him down, his eyes would pop open and the wailing would begin!  So on at least one occasion, I actually got into the crib with him, cuddled with him until he fell asleep and then snuck out of his bedroom as quietly as I could.  Seriously, imagine, a grown adult laying in a crib…now that’s desperation!

Baby Boy Three: Birth Story 3 of 3

Although baby number 3 waited until nearly 41 weeks to finally bless us with his arrival, yes one week past our due date, when he was ready….he came in the quickest of all three!  The doctor agreed to give me until Tuesday to go on my own and it was Sunday morning. We had settled on a girl name 7 years ago when expecting our oldest, so we knew if we had a girl the name was going to be Stella Rae.  We are traditionalists when it comes to baby names and Stella was his Granny’s name and Rae would become a fourth-generation name beginning with my grandpa Ray, then my Uncle Ray, and my middle name is Rae.  We had not completely settled on our boy name until what we did not realize was only hours before delivery.  We knew the middle name was going to be Ray but Robert had decided he wanted a biblical name to go with Ray. 

 

Around 6:30 a.m. on Sunday, January 26^th, I informed Robert that I was starting to have contractions at 15 minutes apart and that we should probably begin to think about getting the boys somewhere and us to the hospital.  He had been reading in his Farmer’s Almanac and Bible and came back while I was finishing getting myself ready for the day… yes of course I wasn’t going to the hospital looking like a mess and  said, “What do you think about the name, Jacob Ray?”  I loved it! 

 

After dropping the boys off with The Ninja (see previous blog, if I just lost you), we decided to read about Jacob from the Bible between contractions to make sure he wasn’t a Judas… we want to at least begin his life on a positive note.   We learned that he was the youngest brother and made a promise to God to give 10% of everything he was blessed with back to God, hence inspiring 10% tithing. He was however a little bit manipulative as a child with his older sibling, but who isn’t?

 

We arrived at the hospital around 9:15 and our newest addition was delivered and in my arms by 9:45! I really wanted to go on my own without being induced and I got my wish…however my plan was not to go at it without an epidural or any pain meds because I have always said that there is a difference between tough and crazy.  Well just call me crazy because there was zero time for any pain meds.  They got my IV in minutes before the baby arrived and didn’t actually officially check me into the hospital until I was holding my newborn baby boy, Jacob Ray. 

My Father-in-law...The Ninja

When I was first introduced to my in-laws, we were a little uncertain of each other.  My father-in-law was especially unsure of me dating his youngest son.  The Pistol Annie’s song, “Hell on Heels,” comes to mind when I reflect on his first impression of me.  However 12 years later, I now know that although he has a tough exterior, he is really a big softy!

His behind the back nickname, The Ninja, began because he always seems to come out of nowhere to protect his family and farm.  He somehow knows when we pull into the driveway and times his call perfectly as we walk in the door.  He can sense when someone is at our house and will double check the person’s purpose for being there. 

Last spring, a friend came to pick strawberries and within 5 minutes of her arrival, he knew she was there, and came over to make she was not an intruder.  Her text she sent me was, “The ninja caught me.”

A few years back a neighbor had an insurance agent come to his house to look at a vehicle that was located in his garage.  My father-in-law with a weapon in hand and the person’s license plate number recorded, approached the man asking, “Are you buying or stealing today?” The guy dropped his clipboard, and terrifyingly explained he was trying to make arrangements for the truck to be fixed! 

Typically when I am going to have visitors, I try to let him know so he does not worry.  However on one occasion I forgot to give him a call to let him know my family from Terre Haute was coming to visit.  As my family and I were standing in a circle talking, he proceeded to speed his Kawasaki Mule down my driveway and through the middle of the circle we were standing in and explained without stopping, “Just making sure there weren’t any freaks bothering you,” and drove off.  After my dad stopped cracking up, he voiced that he was thankful that he does not have to worry about my safety.

As we have been expecting our current child, he always makes sure that there is someone on, "Jamie Duty," in case I need anything. Then just yesterday, I had car trouble and my husband, brother-in-law, and of course The Ninja all came to my rescue with a car trailer, truck and every possible supply to get me and my vehicle home. 

Through the years, I have learned that although it takes time to build trust with a ninja, once you do, you and your family are always protected!

Another Surprise Boy: Birth Story 2 of 3

It was March 16^th and I was a little over 38 weeks pregnant and beginning to wonder if this baby was ever going to enter the world.  We were going to Robert’s parents’ house for supper and I decided I was going to walk over there.  You see I was entering the stage of pregnancy that many women enter titled, “walk the baby out.”  So I tackle the few hills and walk at a brisk pace, eat hardly anything, and return home the same way.  I am sure the rest of the family thought I was a little crazy and they were probably correct but I had a baby to walk out! 

When I arrived home, I began feeling the tightening that I remember so well when Carson arrived.  I knew we were going to the hospital that evening.  So I of course think, oh I have done this before, no big deal, we have all kinds of time.  Robert and Carson arrive home shortly after me.  I think he waited a bit before leaving to make sure I did not end up on the side of the road somewhere on my insistent walk home.  I told Robert to go feed his cows and complete any farm tasks he needed to and I would give Carson a bath and get his parents to come over because we were going to the hospital.  All the while, we are taking our sweet time. We get Carson settled with Granny and Pappy and then head for the hospital.  As we get closer to the hospital, mamma is feeling some pain.  By the time we arrive and I had to stand up to walk through the doors, I swear I thought that baby was going to fall out on the floor!

We were checked in and my regular doctor was at a NASCAR race (couldn’t make it up), so her partner was on call.  Of course he did not know me from any other crazy, pregnant lady so was not in a big hurry to keep me.  Robert, spoke up and informed the nurse that this baby was coming tonight and we were not leaving and if they forced us to we were going to the next closest hospital.  Typically my husband is mild mannered but you mess with his family, you better brace yourself.  They decided to keep us and a give me the much needed epidural and by 1:30 in the morning we were greeted with a St. Patrick’s Day surprise….a  baby boy, Gavin!

Surprise Entry: Birth Story 1 of 3

Naturally when you have your first baby, you have read all of the books, talked to friends and you think you totally know everything that is going to happen during the entire birthing process.  Guess what… you're clueless! Child birth is one of those experiences you have to encounter yourself to understand.  

It was a Friday and I had big plans for the day.  It was the last day of my school’s spring break.  I had a doctor’s appointment in the morning and the doctor said was it wouldn’t be long but looking back, I think she totally know she was going to see me again that day.  I was a little over 36 weeks along and one of my goals was to finish my Master’s degree before I had this baby.  Luckily that Friday I got everything wrapped up and turned in.  At this point I still think I have 4 weeks left before baby comes, see clueless. I think I am living up to my reputation of getting things turned in early.   Wrong again, I was a procrastinator and didn’t even know it!

I went home that evening and of course the baby had found a comfortable spot directly on top of my bladder.  That made for an interesting evening.  I prayed at supper that evening that I would know when it was time to go to the hospital.  I did not want to be one of those moms who overreacted, went to the hospital and then got sent home.  I had already done than once!  It felt like the "inexperienced mother’s walk of shame."

As the evening progressed I kept experiencing tightening around the baby and it was beginning to hurt and of course I had to pee every 5 seconds since my new darling loved to cuddle, squeeze, and kick my bladder. Finally after this occurred for a bit, I woke my husband and let him know that it was time to go to the hospital.  Of course he was just humoring me and being a supportive husband but he was thinking that we were going to be sent home again.  However one look at me and he knew it was the real deal!  He immediately began grabbing our bags and the car seat and throwing everything in the car.  Did you know you can make it from Evanston, IN to Owensboro, KY in about 20 minutes? 

I did not call my sisters and parents yet because I was scared of the repeated “inexperienced mother’s walk of shame.”  After we got checked in and realized okay we are going to have a baby, it was the wee hours of the morning.  The baby wasted no time and blessed us with his presence around 9 a.m.  Since we did not know the sex of the baby, when the baby came out, the doctor flipped the baby around with the baby’s butt being under her arm and said we are all going to find out at the same time.  She flipped him around and that is when we knew we had a Carson!  

That's My Cowboy

       While being in Indianapolis, I am reminded of how happy I am living in our rural home where our kids can run and play outside with limited worries.  I am not a fan of parking garages and bumper to bumper traffic.  And although I enjoy an occasional visit to the city, my husband, simply tolerates it. 
       Last New Year’s Eve we celebrated my twin sisters’ 30^th birthday in Indianapolis at the Hyatt and had a great time.   Despite all of the fun during the holiday celebration, there is one specific memory about this trip, I will never forget.
       Winter weather was expected and according to my husband, there was no way he was going to get stuck in Indy.  After all what if we get stuck, how would the farm possibly survive without us for more than one night?! Therefore we took the Dodge Ram, 4x4 diesel to Indianapolis with us and let me tell you those roads and side streets are not made for farm trucks! Since we were staying at the Hyatt, we naturally had to park in a dreaded parking garage with the height clearance being 6ft 9 inches.  Not sure if we can clear this my husband proclaims as he pulls over, and yes he pulls right over to the curb in downtown Indy.  Then he proceeds to get out of his truck, pull a tape measure from inside the door and measure his truck height!  And to further give you an accurate visualization of this scenario the truck has a, “If you can’t Dodge it, Ram it license plate,” on the front and since we were going to change before the festivities, he had on work boots.  The truck height measurement was 6 ft 8 inches.... one inch lower than the clearance height! 
       As you pull up to the parking garage, guests are greeted and offered valet parking.  However the gentleman offering this service, takes one look at my husband and says, “Self-park, right?”  My husband responds with, “Yeah I better park this one.”  The valet agrees by adding, “Yeah, she’s a big oh girl!”  Just for the record, he was talking about the truck!
       It was a tight fit but we made it.  The former me would have been mortified by this situation but the current me, laughed hysterically… that’s my cowboy. 

God and his sense of humor

This past week marked the point in my pregnancy that allowed us to have an ultrasound to see our growing baby.  A decision couples always have to make is whether or not they are going to find out the sex of the baby.  Unlike most individuals of the world, my husband truly believes that there should be a law against finding out the gender until birth.  Needless to say, he is a bit of a traditionalist. 

I on the other hand, typically have a modern attitude about most life events and my type A personality traits actually point to all signs of me finding out.  However it means so much to my husband not find out and it really is the most amazing surprise.  Therefore I go along with this idea of letting the baby’s sex be revealed at birth.  The fun for me is trying to figure out what the sex of the baby is without the doctor or ultrasound technician telling me or confirming this information. 

With the ultrasound of our first child, the hospital had just installed a new sonogram machine so there was nearly an entire hospital staff in the room with us.  Even though it was clear we did not want to know the gender, one the nurse’s looked at the screen and right away announced, “Oh, I see it, I know what it is!”  My thoughts were, seriously lady, I am not an idiot!  Therefore when Carson arrived, I was not entirely surprised he was a boy.  Although since we were not directly informed, there was still some element of surprise. 

 When our second child was born, we were truly uncertain if he was going to be a boy or girl.  I could not read any indications on the technician’s face, my doctor does not find out when the patient doesn’t and I did not catch anything on the ultrasound screen representing he was a boy. 

 Now with this third child, I did want to find out.  However I also wanted my husband to have his fun.  Therefore, my goal was to find out the gender of the baby without being told.  During our ultrasound, I studied the screen very thoroughly.  The baby was very energetic and bounced and flipped around the entire time….obviously my child.  I feel pretty certain that I saw the clue that this baby is a third boy.  Also when the doctor came in and we told her we were having another surprise baby she responded with, “I hope it is a girl.”  I immediately looked over at the technician to try to gauge her facial features and her eyes grew, indicating to me she did not want the doctor to say that again.   

There is still very much a degree of uncertainty of what the sex of our baby is going to be, however I am thrilled either way.  The baby is perfectly healthy and if God wants to give us another boy, he must think we are doing pretty well with the two we have or else he just has a hilarious sense of humor!

Rivals to built in best friends

     As a child, having siblings typically means being annoyed most of the time, having regular bruises, and of course getting in trouble for an offense you didn’t commit.  As I watch my boys grow, I try not to be too terribly frustrated when they have days when they argue and bicker continually.  Every single disagreement they have is basically the same scenario… Gavin irritates Carson by following, touching or copying him and then Carson hits or tackles Gavin, causing Gavin to end up crying and tattling.  Oddly when Gavin tattles, he never seems to remember what he did that caused Carson’s retaliation.

      Although I am now becoming accustomed to watching boys fight, I grew up with younger, twin sisters and when girls fight, it’s a form of art! Precious treasures mysteriously disappear, the light cryptically shut off while you are showering, and phone messages never make it to the recipient…weird, right?  For a period of time I had my sisters trading me dimes for nickels because I convinced them that the nickels were worth more because they were bigger. My sister Jennifer used to grow her finger nails out so she could claw when necessary and Julie actually chucked a dressed cheeseburger at Jennifer’s face once.  However after a period of time, this merciless torture transformed.

      Shortly after I entered high school and my sisters jr. high, the idea of making each other’s lives miserable began to lighten and although the challenge of giving each other a difficult time continued, it became clear, that although we can irritate each other, outsiders were not allowed to participate in the scrutiny!  One occasion I had an ex-boyfriend swerve in the road towards me and although he was not a serious threat, my little sister jumped on her bike, peddled to the grocery store where he worked and proceeded to read him his pedigree, completely humiliating him!  

        As adults, siblings become your built in best friends.  They understand your insecurities and are not afraid to tell you when you look hideous or are acting like a troll. They are always in your corner and always know just what to say. 

        I have shared some of these stories with my boys in hopes of not actually giving them more ideas of how to torture each other, but to teach them that even though they do  not realize it now, one day they will be grateful for each other.  I also share these stories with my students with embellished details, since they usually hear them through my writing.  And the fun part about sharing stories such as these with my students, versus my own kids is any ideas they develop are not my problem to correct….sorry parents!

TPCK+T

          Yes I know TPCK sounds like some sort of gang member’s name and you may be wondering where I am going with this acronym.  Actually TPCK is a teaching model I have learned about this summer.  It stands for Technology, Pedagogy, Content, and Knowledge. These are the essential elements for 21^st Century instruction and learning. 

          This model intertwines these four components of teaching in order to make the biggest impact on student instruction.  Although I agree with this model and find much validity in it, I think it lacks one descriptor, Theatrics!   

          The best lessons I have taught have a high level of knowledge about relevant content.  They use technology to facilitate this information using a research-based teaching strategy along with a huge punch of drama!  Once when teaching narratives, I wrote about being homecoming queen in college, wore a fancy dress and did a dramatic reading of my narrative. The kids loved it, the narratives the students produced were great and the best part of all, I got to wear a tiara for part of the day!

          As a parent think about potty training (content), you have the knowledge of the obvious benefit, you look up strategies on Pinterest (technology) but without the jumping up and down and cheering of celebrating this achievement (theatrics), the behavior isn’t reinforced. 

          Working and learning with kids requires drama and theatrics.  We all love to be entertained!  It helps a concept stick. I am currently working with my youngest child on not saying, “ain’t.”  In doing this, I correct him when he says it, remind him it is not a proper word and of course over dramatize how it sounds when he does say it. I use an exaggerated accent and respond, “You cant say aint ‘cause people will think ya don’t know nothing!”  He laughs because I sound ridiculous but he is finally starting to correct himself when he says, “ain’t; granted he is now saying isn’t when he should say aren’t and vice versa but I am picking one battle at a time! After all we are all a work in progress.

          In all seriousness, TPCK is an up to date model for teachers to examine when planning lessons.  Pair theatrics with knowledge, content, technology, and pedagogy/theory and you have a creative and memorable lesson to convey information.  Go TPCK+T!

 

The Importance of Improvising



      I recently finished reading a book by Tony Wagner titled Creating Innovators and it sparked much thought about the importance of teaching kids and giving them opportunities to be innovators, creators and simply presenting them with situations to improvise. 
     Being improvisers is something most of us probably do without even realizing. For example, this past spring after planting the garden, I was up getting ready for school when I noticed a couple of baby calves that managed to get under the fence and were tromping through my freshly planted lettuce bed. This sent my blood pressure into hypertension! My husband was not home, the garden was a mud pit from a recent rain and I was clothed in dress clothes and heels! Luckily when this opportunity to improvise presented itself to me, I reacted quickly by kicking off my heels, placing on my pink polka-dot rubber boots, shoved my pants into the boots, and hustled to the garden. As I reached the garden, I suddenly remembered that I had no idea how to herd cattle. So I began running towards the calves sinking into the ground with every step and clapping my hands in hopes of scaring or confusing the calves back under the fence and hoping to God that no one was witnessing this chaos. Shockingly enough this tactic worked and the garden was saved! However as I was walking back to the house I spotted my boys looking out the window laughing hysterically because surprisingly my method was not the technique their father uses while corralling cattle…I’m not sure why, it worked flawlessly!
     After this unique improvising experience, I used it in my writing that day at school and had my students laughing while they were describing a time they had to react quickly! Situations like this as well as observing kids when challenges are presented to them makes me think about the fact that students need more opportunities to problem solve and improvise. 
     This notion of course got me thinking about my own boys; so this past week I told my boys that I wanted them to water the chickens but they couldn’t use the water hose. They of course looked at me like I had two heads but after talking about it and getting a plan organized, they put buckets into their little John Deer Gator, drove to the pond below the house, filled the buckets and watered the chickens. Just by having to do this simple task, they had to form and execute a plan in a different format than what they usually would.
     Future jobs are going to require employees to problem-solve, collaborate, improvise and complete tasks that are not yet invented, therefore creating challenges for your students and kids is important to their development. If you don’t devise situations for their benefit, do it strictly for your own entertainment! It is fun to watch a young mind work and form ideas you would not even of considered.

Accepting Change

     I am fortunate in that I work in a district that is very progressive and embraces change. As a professional, I welcome change and attempt to grow daily.  Since my profession is personal to me, the two worlds constantly merge and change filters into both areas of my life as my ideas and opinions about various topics continue to mold. There are many examples of this from my life and many yet to come.

     Being married to a farmer, a change that has taken a long time to develop and still requires regular encouragement is mellowing my road rage when driving behind a tractor, trailer, combine or other insanely slow farm machine on the road.  Frustration flares because I am always in a hurry!  Just like every other working mom, my mind is constantly in a million places and I have a ridiculous amount of errands to run.  Of course living where I do, it is a common occurrence to be brought to a screeching halt when I come across a tractor on the road.  My sister-in-law has the perfect bumper sticker that puts this into perspective:  WTF-Where’s the food, without the farmer? After all, a girl’s gotta eat!  
     This comical, yet thought provoking bumper sticker helps put my rage at bay because everyone has a job to do and every job requires continuous change, development and hard work... at least to be done well.  As a teacher, the biggest change I have made is not only continuing to learn from other educators and reading various books but understanding that I can learn as much from my students as what they can from me.  Granted, the lesson contents are vastly different, knowledge is still exchanged.    
     Although I feel I am fairly welcoming to change, not everyone shares this sentiment.  For example my husband, Robert still uses a flip phone and actually sent a text to a friend who had texted him, “Bobby don’t text.”  Keep in mind this man’s wife is a teacher and tech coach!  
     Every teacher has been in the situation of attempting to understand a child, then meeting the parent and thinking,  “Ohhhh, now I get it,” which explains my children. While beginning the process of converting bedrooms for the baby on the way, my oldest son’s excitement quickly turned to tears as we began placing bunk beds in his room and he whined, “I don’t want things to change.” While my other son started jumping on the new mattresses, ready to move in with his brother.  
     These lessons help me understand as part of my job as not only an eLearning Coach, but apparently a mother and wife as well, I am going to need to continue to be receptive to change and help colleagues and my household members understand that change is exciting..... and only a little scary!

City to country

     If someone would have asked me 15 years ago to describe what my adult life would look like, I would describe it as teaching and living in a moderate sized city, residing in a suburb and married with two kids. I would not have describe it as living on a cattle farm with my husband and sons with a  baby on the way.
      Keep in mind prior to meeting my husband, I had never mowed grass, managed a garden, touched a bale of hay or even considered swimming in a pond; all of which I have nearly mastered in the 11 years my husband and I have been together.
      Despite the fact that I had never even started a lawn mover in my previous life, I am the primary grass mower and weed-eater of my household.  However my skills still need some development.  So far... just this year, I have have ran over a piece of farm equipment, a metal post and lots of gravel. Needless to say the blades on our lawn mover need lots of TLC each year.  However given my background and mowing experience my husband just smiles, shakes his head and regularly sharpens the blades.  Mowing is one of my favorite summer pastimes.  If there were Grammys given for lawn mower singing, I would be an assured winner!
         Another activity that I strangely enjoy is putting up square bales.  To me it is great exercise and I enjoy the bonding with family and friends.  Granted my sister-in-law says I do this ridiculous girly kick thing when I throw the bale, I still manage to get the bale where it needs to go! My boys love to run in the hay field or drive the truck between the bales.  It is truly a family event.
        My oldest son expresses to me on a regular basis how happy he is that we live on a farm; he is just like his father.  Although my life is nothing like what I would have imagined it to be, I would not change one aspect and even though you may find me in my kitchen canning or in my yard pulling weeds, I will likely have some type of fabulous shoes on and of course a stylish outfit.  You can take the girl out of the city but not ALL of the city out of the girl!

Know-it-all teacher to a work in progress

     I made the decision to become a teacher when I was in the 4th grade. Not the typical age to choose a career path I know but I do not usual stick to a traditional format of doing things.  During my senior year of high school, I shadowed a master teacher that also happened to be my 1st grade teacher and while other college students were spring breaking in their bikinis, I was observing and working in classrooms of well respected teachers.  Therefore when I finally graduated from college and was hired into my first classroom at the young age of 21, I was ready to change the world, one child at a time. .. I still thought teaching was about "knowing" and thought I knew it all.
     Along my professional journey, I have been very fortunate to have leaders and mentors steer me to the best books to read, the most dynamic workshops to attend and expose me to all of the best practice methods that are researched-based and sure to help a  kid make great academic gains.  However my best teachers have been and always will be, my students!
     Anyone can teach average, well-behaved students.  You teach them the material, they catch on at a normal pace and everyone moves on.  However contrary to popular belief, average students are the minority.  Most students are either strides above the "average" or on the flip-side, strides below.  Many students have behavior or emotional issues that make learning difficult. Teaching non-average students which is the majority and helping them make gains in all academic areas, earns you the honored title, Teacher.
        During my first year of teaching, I had a 4th grade boy that broke me in right away.  I wish a kid like him for all first  year teachers! He was highly intelligent but was a severely ADHD! He would draw on himself during a lesson, literally try to climb the door frame and of course sit in every position possible at his desk besides the intended posture.  My favorite story about this student is when he was using the restroom and of course anywhere this child went racket and commotion was the result.  I stood in the proper teacher position of the restroom, inside the door frame where I could hear everything but not see anything and hollered something teacher-like I am sure when I overheard him complain, "The one place a man can be a man and Miss Cutter has to come in here." Teaching this student was fun but challenging.  I spent hours directly with this child and many more studying how to make progress with him.  On the last day of school,  I cried when he hugged me.  By the end of my first year, I was beginning to realize that teaching is not about "knowing" but about "learning."
        Another student a few years later also had some attention issues but unlike the pervious student, struggled academically. He would work hard for me and stayed by my side the entire year.  I learned a lot from this student in order to help him make strides.  My favorite story about this student occurred when one of the girls in the classroom was speaking with a lot of attitude towards me and this young man replied to her with even more attitude, "Ba-by- you need Je-sus!" It took all I had not to completely lose composure! However that incident taught me to tap into this child's wit to strengthen his writing.
        Throughout my 11 years in the classroom, I have gained lots of knowledge about kids, learning styles, parenting and a multitude of other lessons.  However I have such a long way to go to be where I want to be.  Teaching is not about knowing it all, but about learning all you possibly can!