Learning from my lil sis

My sisters typically give me way too much credit for offering them advice or setting mothering examples.  They obviously do not pay too close of attention because sometimes I am the replica of what not to do.  However while my sister was visiting me for my birthday, she made one of the most brilliant arguments I have ever heard her make and she has made a lot-girl is witty!

We live around 2-hours from each other and while driving here, her daughter started to get a little fussy like all kids do on long car rides.  My sister of course pulled over to make sure all of her needs were met but then she explained reality hit her.  She could feel guilty and stress out the rest of the trip or she could realize that her daughter is going to be fine.  She thought to herself, there are children in third world countries starving and my kid is sitting in a cushy car seat, in an air conditioned car, with a snack, milk and watching Doc Mcstuffins-I think she is going to be okay! After all surely the remaining 45-minutes of this agony will not result in future therapy and medication.

              

Her words really stuck with me because I have been a victim of this form of mother’s guilt (refer to previous blog entry) getting the best of me and devoting all of my energy into trying to make my child happy while doing everything from singing, making ridiculous noises, passing back toys and giving them anything remotely edible to please, sooth or make them happy!  Sometimes it needs to come to a point where you can consider, they are not hungry, they do not need to go to the restroom, all of their needs are met-it’s time for them to sooth themselves. 

                

Children are way more resilient than we give them credit.  Although we never want our children to endure pain or any form of suffering, the point is that sometimes those feelings are a part of life and when your child is in his/her cozy seat, in an air conditioned car, with a snack, sippy cup, his/her favorite toy and is still not happy-let it go! 

Mother of the Year Moments 

It is appropriate to begin this post with a disclaimer. If you do not have children and often think to yourself when you see children in public as I once did, “I will never let my child get away with that,” then this post is not for you. In fact you may even find this post incredibly offensive and wonder why I was ever blessed with children in the first place.

Whether a working mom or a stay at home mom, I believe all moms often experience what I call, Mother's Guilt. Granted it is not technically a diagnosed, mental disease, but once you bring life into the world, you are automatically contaminated with this illness.

Basically how I am most affected by this disease is when I am working, I feel guilty for not spending time with my children, when spending time with my children, I feel like I should be working...not to mention where my head goes when I am cooking or cleaning or worse when I am not cooking or cleaning.

One of the symptoms of Mother's Guilt involves the mind trying to focus on too many details or tasks simultaneously, resulting in awesome, mother of the year moments!

For example, recently I sent Carson down to the basement to retrieve something from the freezer. I thought it would be hilarious to sneak down the stairs and jump out; turns out, not a great plan. As I jump out, and yell, I don't even remember what, but I am sure it was something real clever like, “boo,” I completely terrified him and he proceeded to start crying. Not only does this moment make me feel real stellar, I secretly still chuckle about it when this event pops back into my head.  

I remember when Gavin was younger and one of the times I had trouble getting him to sleep, I let him take a nap in my bed and naturally I thought to myself, “I could use a nap.” I was abruptly awakened by the sound of my child rolling off of the bed, onto the floor, against the dresser. Isn't that fabulous parenting?

While typing this post, my boys and I were hanging out by our lake and Jacob was stretched out on a blanket kicking, cooing and playing. When I look down to talk to him, I was just in time to see him grab a handful of sand and shove it in his mouth-fantastic! I am sure beach sand has antibodies in it.

Through the years I have learned and continue to learn to take each day as it comes, get done what I can and hope to not have too many of those spectacular mother of the year moments! However I can always plead insanity due to Mother's Guilt.

Difficult Decisions...

Trying to get out of the house in the morning with three boys in tote is like some sort of cruel joke!  I always do my best the night before to make the morning efficient but that rarely makes the morning run any smoother.  However the problem is mostly my fault.  Carson and Gavin bring their lunch every day and that of course requires me to pack their lunch on a daily basis, hence the creation of more work.  Carson has only eaten lunch at school twice, once when it was chili and once on breakfast day.  He was not a fan of the chili and the eggs confused him.  He did not understand why they were a perfect circle and completely yellow.  He is spoiled by chicken house eggs.  Gavin has not even been inclined to give school lunch a try and ironically our school lunch always has great options! They are just picky and rotten, but they really are cute! 

Then there is little man.  He is in quit a routine which is great, however he is very fond of his morning nap that occurs right at 6:45 a.m. and although our goal is to be out of the house by 6:40, that rarely happens…and the fussing begins promptly at 6:45.  Jacob loves to begin his morning nap on the drive to school.  Then he typically stays asleep through the drive and even for a bit after we get to school before taking him to his babysitters Ms. Kim and Ms. Mary.  Naturally in the hectic process we call morning, the goal is to get the kids fed, dressed, myself ready and everything in the car before 6:45.  Typically what happens is the kids get fed, I attempt to eat something and in the process of getting Jacob ready, Carson and Gavin get hungry again and eat my breakfast and then we finally all make it in the car. 

Inadvertently I always forget something that I had intended to take for the day…so begins the daily evaluation process because the longer I take to leave the house, the longer I have to hear Jacob cry and Carson and Gavin argue about something stupid while knowing that as soon as the car starts and begins down the driveway, peace will begin.  So evaluation is needed, how important is it to go back into the house for what is probably the 4^th or 5^th trip to retrieve the forgotten item?  It truly depends upon the item…coffee, rush back in to retrieve, the breakfast that is have eaten, forget it I will starve until lunch, my phone, quickly make the dash in and swipe it up, jacket, not worth it, I will just freeze all day! Such important choices a mom has to make….

Desperate Attempts

As I was so desperately trying to get my baby boy asleep tonight, I was reminded of all of the ridiculous and frantic attempts I have made over the years to get my kids to sleep.  Tonight for instance, after laying Jacob in his crib following his long winded cry spell, I knew that if he saw me walk out of his room, it would be over!  Therefore after laying him down, I dropped to my hands and knees and crawled out of his room.  It was like I was some sort of spy or criminal in my own house!  However instead of being completely mortified by the fact that I had just crawled my way out to the hallway, I do a happy dance because the screaming had finally stopped.

Carson, the oldest and therefore experiment child would always fall asleep in the car. One evening after trying everything that I could think of to get this child to sleep, I remembered that he always fell asleep in the car.  However at this point in motherhood, I had not yet developed my ability to go on limited sleep and thought better of going for a drive.  Instead, I was hit with a brilliant idea!  I placed Carson in his car seat, put the car seat on top of the dryer in the laundry room, turned on the dryer and shut off the light….pure brilliance!  He was out like light and this trick worked many times. 

Probably my all-time most desperate attempt occurred with Gavin.  He would of course not have a problem sleeping if I held and cuddled him.  However as soon as I went to lay him down, his eyes would pop open and the wailing would begin!  So on at least one occasion, I actually got into the crib with him, cuddled with him until he fell asleep and then snuck out of his bedroom as quietly as I could.  Seriously, imagine, a grown adult laying in a crib…now that’s desperation!

Baby Boy Three: Birth Story 3 of 3

Although baby number 3 waited until nearly 41 weeks to finally bless us with his arrival, yes one week past our due date, when he was ready….he came in the quickest of all three!  The doctor agreed to give me until Tuesday to go on my own and it was Sunday morning. We had settled on a girl name 7 years ago when expecting our oldest, so we knew if we had a girl the name was going to be Stella Rae.  We are traditionalists when it comes to baby names and Stella was his Granny’s name and Rae would become a fourth-generation name beginning with my grandpa Ray, then my Uncle Ray, and my middle name is Rae.  We had not completely settled on our boy name until what we did not realize was only hours before delivery.  We knew the middle name was going to be Ray but Robert had decided he wanted a biblical name to go with Ray. 

 

Around 6:30 a.m. on Sunday, January 26^th, I informed Robert that I was starting to have contractions at 15 minutes apart and that we should probably begin to think about getting the boys somewhere and us to the hospital.  He had been reading in his Farmer’s Almanac and Bible and came back while I was finishing getting myself ready for the day… yes of course I wasn’t going to the hospital looking like a mess and  said, “What do you think about the name, Jacob Ray?”  I loved it! 

 

After dropping the boys off with The Ninja (see previous blog, if I just lost you), we decided to read about Jacob from the Bible between contractions to make sure he wasn’t a Judas… we want to at least begin his life on a positive note.   We learned that he was the youngest brother and made a promise to God to give 10% of everything he was blessed with back to God, hence inspiring 10% tithing. He was however a little bit manipulative as a child with his older sibling, but who isn’t?

 

We arrived at the hospital around 9:15 and our newest addition was delivered and in my arms by 9:45! I really wanted to go on my own without being induced and I got my wish…however my plan was not to go at it without an epidural or any pain meds because I have always said that there is a difference between tough and crazy.  Well just call me crazy because there was zero time for any pain meds.  They got my IV in minutes before the baby arrived and didn’t actually officially check me into the hospital until I was holding my newborn baby boy, Jacob Ray. 

My Father-in-law...The Ninja

When I was first introduced to my in-laws, we were a little uncertain of each other.  My father-in-law was especially unsure of me dating his youngest son.  The Pistol Annie’s song, “Hell on Heels,” comes to mind when I reflect on his first impression of me.  However 12 years later, I now know that although he has a tough exterior, he is really a big softy!

His behind the back nickname, The Ninja, began because he always seems to come out of nowhere to protect his family and farm.  He somehow knows when we pull into the driveway and times his call perfectly as we walk in the door.  He can sense when someone is at our house and will double check the person’s purpose for being there. 

Last spring, a friend came to pick strawberries and within 5 minutes of her arrival, he knew she was there, and came over to make she was not an intruder.  Her text she sent me was, “The ninja caught me.”

A few years back a neighbor had an insurance agent come to his house to look at a vehicle that was located in his garage.  My father-in-law with a weapon in hand and the person’s license plate number recorded, approached the man asking, “Are you buying or stealing today?” The guy dropped his clipboard, and terrifyingly explained he was trying to make arrangements for the truck to be fixed! 

Typically when I am going to have visitors, I try to let him know so he does not worry.  However on one occasion I forgot to give him a call to let him know my family from Terre Haute was coming to visit.  As my family and I were standing in a circle talking, he proceeded to speed his Kawasaki Mule down my driveway and through the middle of the circle we were standing in and explained without stopping, “Just making sure there weren’t any freaks bothering you,” and drove off.  After my dad stopped cracking up, he voiced that he was thankful that he does not have to worry about my safety.

As we have been expecting our current child, he always makes sure that there is someone on, "Jamie Duty," in case I need anything. Then just yesterday, I had car trouble and my husband, brother-in-law, and of course The Ninja all came to my rescue with a car trailer, truck and every possible supply to get me and my vehicle home. 

Through the years, I have learned that although it takes time to build trust with a ninja, once you do, you and your family are always protected!

Another Surprise Boy: Birth Story 2 of 3

It was March 16^th and I was a little over 38 weeks pregnant and beginning to wonder if this baby was ever going to enter the world.  We were going to Robert’s parents’ house for supper and I decided I was going to walk over there.  You see I was entering the stage of pregnancy that many women enter titled, “walk the baby out.”  So I tackle the few hills and walk at a brisk pace, eat hardly anything, and return home the same way.  I am sure the rest of the family thought I was a little crazy and they were probably correct but I had a baby to walk out! 

When I arrived home, I began feeling the tightening that I remember so well when Carson arrived.  I knew we were going to the hospital that evening.  So I of course think, oh I have done this before, no big deal, we have all kinds of time.  Robert and Carson arrive home shortly after me.  I think he waited a bit before leaving to make sure I did not end up on the side of the road somewhere on my insistent walk home.  I told Robert to go feed his cows and complete any farm tasks he needed to and I would give Carson a bath and get his parents to come over because we were going to the hospital.  All the while, we are taking our sweet time. We get Carson settled with Granny and Pappy and then head for the hospital.  As we get closer to the hospital, mamma is feeling some pain.  By the time we arrive and I had to stand up to walk through the doors, I swear I thought that baby was going to fall out on the floor!

We were checked in and my regular doctor was at a NASCAR race (couldn’t make it up), so her partner was on call.  Of course he did not know me from any other crazy, pregnant lady so was not in a big hurry to keep me.  Robert, spoke up and informed the nurse that this baby was coming tonight and we were not leaving and if they forced us to we were going to the next closest hospital.  Typically my husband is mild mannered but you mess with his family, you better brace yourself.  They decided to keep us and a give me the much needed epidural and by 1:30 in the morning we were greeted with a St. Patrick’s Day surprise….a  baby boy, Gavin!